A Half life

To be born an orphan is better than to be born to a careless parent. Ask me I would tell you how it feels to be mistreated, left rotten without care, and finally that sinking feeling as to when at the end of the ordeal, you are not even given a peaceful death.

I, am the unfortunate 'third molar' of a guy in whose priority list of things I stand below pretty much everything else (a lazy siesta on a hot summer afternoon without electricity included). It's not like our relationship soured half way through. It wasn't there in the first place.

His attitude was indifferent ever since I remember my existence. However It's not that to say he completely ignored me. To be fair to him, the first thing he did after waking up was to wash me clean... but alas there started another problem...One would feel nice when he/she gets 'scrubbed' once in a while. But with this guy,... being scrubbed to your bones was the order of the day. Every single morning he would work that magic wand (He prefers to call that toothbrush though, I hardly see any bristles in there....How would there be , if he changes them once in 6 months. But that's an entirely different story, for another day.... god i need a drink now..) around with such ferocity that you would attain moksha directly. I ain't kidding when i say that there have been occasions when his wife has woken up thinking somebody is cleaning her kitchen sink when he used to politely tell her (baby it's just me 'brushing'..).

This alone am sure gives you a peek into my life where I didn't know which was better off, his otherwise indifference or such ferocious affection. But like dobby of the Harry Potter, I was his house elf, serving him to the best of my ability chewing up pretty much everything that was forced upon me. In the same vein, let truth be told, I  think, I was lucky..... when I saw some of my friends being forced by my master, to pry open the lid of soda and beer bottles.

Gosh... what happened to those things called bottle openers ? Is this chap dumb or maverick, I used to wonder..

Homestly I was happy when I discovered that he got a dentist (his sister in law) in his family. I thought atleast I won't be uncared for now. But I think I spoke too soon or too loud. The next thing I see happening is, he getting transferred to a god forsaken place where even eagles don't dare. But full credit to her that she even made an attempt to visit me there. It was the 'pagli ab rulayegi kya' moment.( sob..sob..) But what to say of this guy.... he was just incorrigible. Neither the dire threats of the consequences from his sister in law, nor the fact I was paraded as a 'subject' in front of his niece, could make him shirk away that indifference.

With such callousness, it was just a matter of time, before something gotta give. And it did. One day I developed that mild infection. But I was appalled when I saw this guy's reaction. He was like...mmmm... OK.

OK... my b**s, I said to myself. I reckoned this was THE 'now or never moment'. A moment, which forced 'dobby' to rebel against his master.

I am told dental pain is the worst pain in the world. So I decided to invoke my brahmastra and ensure this guy took notice of my existence. I shreiked with whatever life was left in me. And as expected, I drew my first blood. I could now see that he was bothered. Why else would he wake up at middle of the night and try to take a long long look at me in the mirror. And when he couldn't, he gave a torch to his wife to have a look at me. This was interesting. He was really really bothered. I was loving this attention.

But what I loved better was his wife's reply, 'Why are u again and again showing it to me ?.. I ain't a dentist' she said. Then came that sucker punch. 'If only a dentist had seen your teeth atleast half the times I have seen, you wouldn't be screaming at 2 in the morning clutching your cheek'. This was 'cersei' and 'tyrion' rolled into one. I was sure, if this sarcasm didn't convey the message, nothing else would. So, though, I was shrieking at the top of my voice, I was finally relieved that I was now getting the attention I thought I deserved.

But fate had cruel games in mind. Turns out some evil people have discovered a 'mute' button called 'painkillers'. You pop one and pretend as if there is no pain. Which clown on earth will pretend there's no pain when he infact is in terrible one ?. Apparently my master clown would.

And so the life continued. I would shriek, and he would pop up that 'mute' button. With days passing by, my shrieks were getting shriller but only to be confronted by a barrage of those silencing tools (I refuse to call them pain killers coz it didn't alleviate my pain, it just made it worse).

Finally I guess he too got sick of this ordeal and decided it was time to end this madness. Time to pull the plug on this act, quite literally. So he took me to dentist who promptly plunged that plier into his mouth. I was thankful to god for this mercy to end my ordeal. But as has been in my case, destiny had other plans.

Even as the hapless dentist tried to grapple with me to pry me out, I heard a part of me break. I wished it had been metaphorical but just that it wasn't. It was the sound of one half of me, which broke and fell. I watched with a numb feeling my other lucky broken half, being taken out, leaving the rest of me to rot in this hell hole.

I heard the dentist say, 'I think the roots are firmer than I thought'. How would she know, that this dobby never intended to leave. But, as much as I intended to stay and serve, with this handicap of having lost my 'better half', I just didn't have to the will, if not, the 'teeth' for it.

I was now worried how long more I have to wait till get out of this hell hole. It took 2 long years for my one half to leave. Going by that efficiency, I thought I should consider myself lucky if the rest of me got removed in half of that time. I prepared myself for a lengthy wait. With this guy anything was possible.

But he surprised me again. This time pleasantly. He took me to the dentist promptly next day, even waited for 4 hrs, to see me off.

Did I see a metamorphosis in him ?.

Did I just hear him say those golden words, 'I shall take care of my teeth henceforth' swearing to his wife ?.

Oh... this was turning into such a tear jerker. Suddenly I remembered the ordeal I had been with this clown so far. So I didn't want emotions get the better of logical thinking. And then just like that my resistance broke. The dentist took me out to show him what he had lost.

A look into his eyes and I could say he had learnt his lesson. He realised he had lost more than just a tooth.

Someone told, am called the 'wisdom tooth'. Serves him right, he had no reason to have me around.

But hey, wait... he did learn that lesson. He did take care of me in my final days. He did swear he will take care of the rest of my brethren.

I think he has changed.

I think I did my job after all.. My master is wiser. Dobby is happy.. 

Take a High Five..

To sacrifice what you love is possibly the worst pain of all. To be honest,  I didn't realise the extent to which my wife loved to work till I married her. We knew each other well enough before we got married, so there was no surprises about her passion to work. But, that she could switch three modes of transport, wading through knee deep water, in pouring rain, haggle with those auto guys refusing a short ride, and could still wear her beautiful smile when she walked in home,  wasn't the bubbly girl I thought I knew. This was passion at a different level.

So one morning when she walked in and said she got an offer from another company a name whose name I hardly knew, I was genuinely happy coz it meant less travel. Little did I then knew this little known company (then to me) would blow my heart away in so many ways that, they went out of the way to accommodate her every single time she felt her dream was nearly shattered. 

The reasons for this uncertainties if I have to put it simply was coz of my nature of work. A husband in Navy isn't the best recipe for a happy marriage for a girl with such fierce passion to work. But we thought we shall work something out. Though easily said than done, it needed a divine intervention of sort to 'Work things out'. Which is exactly what happened when she joined this firm.

Less than a year into her job (4 months to be precise), I got transferred from Mumbai to Kalpakkam (For the uninitiated, it is 80 odd kms from chennai and that alone gives you a sneak peek into my world of uncertainties). She continued to work out of her office in mumbai and I shifted to kalpakkam. Few months past, we weren't sure how long we could 'work this thing out'. She knew I wouldn't ask her to quit but staying apart was hurting her too. She fell ill and needed hospitalisation, but I wasn't there. Despite our best efforts we were sure we weren't moving forward. She was just a year into her job, and in a dilemma already on the future of it. Quiting seemed to be the only logical option but then its easier said than done. Whats good of a sacrifice if that doesnt ensure your happiness. 

Just then she was offered an opportunity to continue out of an office 30 kms from kalpakkam. An office her employer 'established' for her. I haven't seen anyone be so happy to drive 70 kms everyday in a treacherous terrain (which had 72 speed breakers or back breakers which ever way you looked at it) and still retain energy to go out for dinners and movies.

I will say with certainty that I started to like the way this company looked after their employees. It's one thing to care of the person, but it takes a certain amount of nobility and personal effort to reach out for that helpless employee who has nothing but passion to offer.It's in such decisions leaders get differentiated from managers. 

Our world was complete, or so we thought. Less than a year into her new 'office', I got transferred again this time to a ship in Visakhapatnam. It was chaos time again. Again the company surprised us. That 'office' was closed and she shifted to Mumbai temporarily with half a mind to quit this life of uncertainties. Even if the company wanted to, the nearest workplace they could have accommodated her was in Hyderabad, and that meant we would be 'Weekend couples'. Already 5 years in to the marriage, the thought of staying apart wasn't an option we considered.

But if we thought our share of surprises were over, we were pleasantly proven wrong when her employer offered her to 'work from home' that too with full benefits. It was never about the money but by offering her full benefits it was a statement of sort to tell her, that look, we don't differentiate you based on where you work from but we shall judge you only based on your work ethics and results. That alone was enough for my little girl to grab that offer just like a kid would grab a box of her favourite chocolates.

In my line of job, I often come across ladies who have a good job but few have managed to have a career. It's not that they weren't capable, but probably they couldn't find someone who didn't look at them as mere resources. They didn't find a firm which felt their passion. Today my lady completes five years with her employer, but if at all someone who deserves high five more its you, M/s Capgemini. You have managed what I thought was quite impossible... to offer a career to the wife of a soldier on the move.. 

Tour of Eastern Ghats - 2013

It's not everyday you come accross something that pegs you back and elates and inspires you alike. I was privlilege to one such effort, of sheer human perseverance over all odds, and to best it all, accomplished with the smile intact...:)

A little over 3 weeks back when Vandana casually mentioned to me about a 'Tour of Eastern Ghats', honestly I felt little sorry for vandana for having to carry a primitive cycle (if you may call the firefox smoke so) for an event warranting a 100 km + ride climbing a little over 3000 feet, including a demanding 40-50 Km uphill climb. But the person she is, always contended and proud with what she has, just dismissed the thought... And just to satisfy my doubts about the ability of the cycle, she asked the organiser to come and have a look at the cycle.

To this day I wonder what made my friend Sridhar Vaddi say "Ma'm, don't worry this cycle will do great"... Was it the fact that there weren't too many volunteers for a show he gave his heart and soul, or was it there was just one another lady participant and a second would do great for the event's brand. However, I thank Sridhar, for two things. One his "thumbs up" to the cycle, and second for letting me have a ringside view of the show, which is the reason why this blog is here.

Coming back to Vandana, she did some preparation (if a 4 km ride in the dolphin hill could be called so) mustering whatever little resources and time she had.. She would ride at 8.00 in the evening, after a day's work, as she didn't want a single day go by without any practice. If at all she had any doubts over the ability of herself or the cycle, she did manage to hide it rather beautifully. But for me, the more I saw her sweating in dolphin, the more i felt sorry for her not having the right bike for the event. I should admit, there was atleast once, when I did harbour the thought of buying a bike befitting the terrain. But the expenses, did peg me back... :(.

Putting rest to a string of uncertainities, as to whether I would be able to accompany Vandana.. I finally packed my bag alongwith hers and set out for a trip, what would become later, a lifetime memory.

As we reached the venue, where all participants were meeting, my doubts and fears were confirmed. Amidst Cannondale, Shwinn, Bianchi all having over 21 gears to choose from, with a 6 gear Firefox, it was like she was carrying a sword to a gun fight. I sensed, even she felt a little over awed by the company of bikes but, we were rather successful in hiding our insecurities to each other..

After a sumptous dinner, and catching a decent night's sleep (Well the organising team did a good job in putting together this event as a whole, but that's for another day) the next morning started rather early at 0400 in the morning for a ride that would commence at 0700 from Madugula. 

After a quick checks on all bikes, the "Tour of Eastern ghats" was officially flagged off. The first few Kms seperated the Wheat from the chaff. Very soon the much awaited (or much dreaded.. whichever way u would like to see it)...climb started. There were quite a few energetic legs and enthusiastic spirits who just pounded their way up, while the rest started the laborious process of just taking it one turn at a time... 

After the first few Kms of the climb my worst fears regarding the bike were being confirmed with Vandana struggling her way through, but to her credit never looked like throwing in the towel... Should mention the support of Sridhar, riding along constantly cheering her up, did wonders to her, and was extremely crucial for her to get through this rather difficult phase.

If ever you have participated in an endurance event you would empathise if i say in the first few kms, your mind goes through a myriad of emotions. All kinds, the good, bad and sometimes ugly too. It is rather too tempting to give up and get out of it rather than keep at it. It takes a while, for the mind to reach an equilibrium with the physical pounding the body is taking. But add to this a factor, what if the steepest of challenge in the entire endurance race, is presented to you just right at the beginning of it. It takes some extraordinary level of perseverance and "Psyche", to get through that phase.

Vandana had these in abundance, and was just taking it one turn at a time. A lot of credit should also go to the team who stood by her, stopping every few kms (I know how hard it would have been, to arrest your momentum in a challenging terrain, cool down your body and again restarting all over again just to cheer up some person you have known only for a day ) and kept cheering her even as she slowly rode past them. It was a remarkable spirit all through everyone and it did help her to keep at it. But at the 15 km mark, it was pretty obvious that the bike wasn't something befitting her spirit. It was more of a hindrance than an aid. It wasn't exaggerating to say she was riding against the bike more than the terrain. But, just then, something great happened. By a remarkable gesture, Mrs. Latha, offered her bike for vandana to ride. This, I say is remarkable, coz nobody signs up for an event of this scale, pay money and let someone else ride it for you. But then, it was impossible to ignore Vandana's spirit and not feel sorry for her fighting against far too many variables. And Latha ma'm with this gesture ensured Vandana's dream of riding the hills stayed alive.

With a new bike, equally supplemented by new found vigour, the jouney to the top commenced. The 25 Km climb which followed wasn't as painful as the first few. If it was, atleast Vandana's face lied beautifully. With every huff and puff she knew she was getting closer to her dream. 

Finally after a 7 hour climb, we reached Paderu. And time for some Biriyani and Meals. I felt ashamed eating the same proportion as the riders did, having only contributed by driving the car rather leisurely. But then, the thought occured if  there was a system of rationing food based on physical work I probably wouldn't be alive. So, I quickly wiped the thought away, and even before I realised, Vandana was wiping clean her plate... :)

Post lunch, Vandana reclaimed her old bike back, but now she knew she had already put in the hard ride. All that was required was just to sustain it. High on enthusiasm, and knowing that the hard climb is behind her, she started enthusiastically.

Sometimes you cannot quantify the truth. Our friend Sridhar was bang on when he said that the hard climb was over. But, what he implied was, that, more climb was still due, and only, the hard part was over. Probably vandana didn't read between the lines and was trying to sprint, to stay with the pack. With every up-slope she would ride as if it was the last climb for the day. But slowly, she realised much to her dissapointment, it was a hill she was climbing and until we reached Arakku, there was no question of descending.

By now, she had used up far too much energy and much like the setting sun in the back ground, her shoulders too were drooping. Add to that, she heard one of the organisers suggesting me to ask her, if she can try and take a break for the day for there was another day's ride due the next day.

I don't think my words would do even half justice to describe vandana's emotions. She was mindfull of the fact that she had to adhere to team code,but, at the same time didn't want her hard earned labour be frittered away. Confronted with this barrage of emotions, she said rather pleadingly, "Can I ride as much as I can, just for a little while... ?"... 

Only a heartless soul could have ignored it. It was certainly not the most comfortable situation to be in. Light wasn't the problem, there was always my car driving behind her. But, the possibility of she having to ride alone was. Riding alone at night is something you wouldn't advocate to anyone, especially after nearly pushing one's limit for the whole day against the terrain, the sun, the bike and scrapping the bottom for the last ounce of energy and spirit.

Again, just as it did in the morning,the nature conspired to keep her dreams alive. Someone who rode like nobody's business for the whole day, for whom, this was a race aginst himself as the rest of the group just didn't match up, offered to stay back and ride alongwith Vandana. It was such splendid gesture, I must say, for, if there was someone Vandana would have been inspired to ride alongwith, it was Karthikeyan sir. And soon there was a willing second companion, Abhishek. Just like a kid being offered her favourite choclolate, there was an instant glow and smile on vandana's face. Even the organising team couldn't say NO. No body likes to kill such a fighting spirit. And so the ride commenced, this time with a firm directive that no stopping until everyone reaches the final destination.

In pitch darkness, only under the umbrella of the car's headlights and with the spirited company of Karthikeyan sir and Abhishek, in an arrow formation the trio kept slowly but steadily pacing ahead. While the first 35 kms of the day was a test of charachter and perseverance, the last 30 odd kms would certainly stay vivid in our memory. With every passing mile I could see Vandana's spirit soaring, and why not. She had ridden rather valiantly till now and it was all her's to lose it.

The road sign indicated "ARAKKU" and I could sense Vandana pedal faster... Amongst the present company nobody would have wanted more than her to put an end to the ordeal.. An ordeal she would cherish for life, an effort that revealed her characher to herself, a spirit that I never knew she possesed. The Km counter indicated 80 odd kms but, those 10 hours were more than a million moments, all priceless ones. Having reached the final destination of the day we quickly setlled into our rooms. A quick dinner followed by a bonfire. With lots of stories to tell, the only factor that set a time limit of 10 PM to wind up, was the fact that, the ride wasn't over yet and there was a further 50 kms to ride the following day. 

It's a proud moment when someone looks at you oozing with respect and great admiration. There were 19 such people with profound admiration for Vandana and needless to say, I too felt proud. It had been a difficult and testing day for vandana, but the love and affection of people made her tiredness vanish. Also the fact that it was mostly down hill the following day added to the spirit. 

The trio who teamed up for the last leg of the day and the respective families chatted up for a while before retiring, but mindful of the fact that there was still some business left to be attended the following morning. 

A hefty breakfast in the morning and a quick headstart enabled Vandana to stay close to the pack for the initial 10 kms climb. And then she was delighted to see the down hill descent. It was as if she attained salvation for all the pains she went through. Even as everybody started feeling ecstatic about the steep descent, Sridhar again showed why he is such a good experienced hand by quickly forming a convoy thereby arresting the possibility of any accident. It was an important decision not only from safety point of view, but got the group together into a single pack which gave the team a completely different make over.

A crisp felicitation ceremony was held on completion of 100th km and participant certificates were handed out. A further 2 Hours later and after completing approx 135 Kms, the organising team felt it was time to call it a day to meet the timelines of reaching Vizag by evening.

Finally, after a 14 hour ride, completing 135 kms, there was a look in Vandana's face that conveyed a sense of accomplishment. A sense of pride in achieving a dream which, 48 hours before, looked highly circumspect.

The fact that there were factors beyond her control, be it Latha Ma'm's gesture of offering her bike, the teams' spirit of stopping by to catch up with her every few KMs, or Karthikeyan sir and Abhiskek offering her much needed support to ride through the night, that enabled her accomplish her dream is for another day. For, we were all mere facilitators. The battle was being fought else where. It was a battle between the mind over matter. A battle where mind got the better of all the rest that mattered... and HOW.

The bottomline was, the lady did ride her bike all the way up, conquering heights and hearts alike, keeping her smile intact. And the fact that she did most of that in a six gear marvel just sums it all.. :)

And I was just lucky to have a ringside view of the show...